As young girls, we’re taught that showing emotions means showing your weaknesses. We're taught that we shouldn't rely on anyone too heavily out of fear of appearing too “helpless” or “needy” or “dumb.”
I was always a little more shy and reserved than my peers growing up. I’ve never been the loudest girl in the room or the most talkative. While I’ve since become a little more extroverted, I still enjoy working by myself and often prefer to deal with challenges alone, especially when there's emotions involved.
As I entered my late teens and early twenties, I began to notice how my reserved nature sometimes confused those around me. Phrases like “you’re so hard to read,” “she’s indifferent,” “she doesn’t seem to care,” and the worst of them all, “you come off so cold sometimes” haunted my memory.
Now, to be fair, I’ve got a pretty bad RBF (resting b*tch face) so I can understand being hard to read. I promise you, I’m not actually mad all the time.
But I do care and I do feel all the emotions, probably too many and too much of them at once. However, because we’re taught to deal with things ourselves rather than showing weakness or appearing vulnerable, I didn’t let these things show.
Being conscious of communicating my thoughts and feelings with those around me is something that takes effort. I always thought that I had to hide my feelings away so I didn’t bother anyone or appear “dumb.”
It’s okay to prefer to deal with challenges yourself. That’s just how some people operate. However, I’ve learned that there's always middle ground.
Not appearing emotional doesn’t mean I’m emotionless. Being independent makes me strong, but needing help doesn't make me weak.
Yours Truly,
Jocelyn
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