I wish I knew what it used to be like before the overhaul of life via the internet. I wonder if in that lifetime people were happier and more spontaneous, if the lives they lead felt like enough. I can remember a time before the fingertip access we all possess today but, I was only so old that what may have been a better time is unified with my childhood. Unsurprisingly, I cannot know what they were like because I was not there and I must live with that. I can only move along in the present into the future. The same way my life and routine can only continue from what it is into what I make of it.
For me it can be easy to look at people I know or don’t and say, they are having more fun, they have more friends, they are better than me, or they are prettier than me. Even the knowledge that this illusion of others is just that, fabricated by an individual who chooses to document and share, doesn’t fully help me escape this slippery slope. I find myself asking why I don’t have more friends or why I don't look a certain way and I have to think would I even know a sliver of this person's life if we didn’t have the internet, NO. Lingering on what fun I could be having prevents me from actually doing.
It isn’t always easy to escape, hell it’s everywhere, yet I have to remind myself I am content. Some of the best ways I escape it, is by living. Doing what I care to do with the people I know enjoy my presence. I love art and writing so sometimes it’s just the creative activity that helps me escape my slump. I’ve been trying to rework my habits to avoid the endless scroll on social media. I still indulge, but less on real people and more on comedic posts.
I need to do this for myself because being unproductive just because it may not be as fun as people on the internet have isn’t a good excuse. I will never be them or in their world, nor do I want to be. It is moments when I am having fun on whims or planned activities that I have to remind myself that I love the life I lead and love the people in it, even if it took some time to get out of bed.
There is too much stress on always having fun, needing to do something crazy, or even being liked that can paralyze me into doing nothing rather than anything. Doing one thing at a time can make a world of difference, one conversation, one invite, one hangout, one sketch or one draft. Usually doing anything complies and ends up being a completely different experience than expected, that impulsivity and adventure is why I must keep myself from comparing my real life to the fabricated ones online. Life is more than the pictures you post.
Yours Truly,
Linnea
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