Everything lately has been so weirdly intense!
Relationships, work, my leadership roles, and everything else that could possibly bring up conflicts. I’m not an astrology girl but something is definitely in the air/ moon/stars. Each morning I wake up to the sound of my alarm around 8 am. As I press “stop” about 10-12 notifications are revealed. They usually include my boyfriend’s reply to our conversation the night before, a random Snapchat, the MC announcements email (why do they send that at 6 am), and Moodle notifications. There are always 4-5 texts from different sorority girls.
Don’t get me wrong. Being the president of one of the largest groups on campus has been one of the best things to ever happen to me. I absolutely love getting to lead a group of smart and hardworking girls. Leading weekly meetings, helping board members plan events and even some of the less glamourous stuff like helping with conflict resolution and imputting information in databases makes me feel complete. I think I need to always be in a role where I’m being a leader and helping people achieve their goals.
That all being said, there have been some not-so-awesome side effects of the job. I’m always on my phone. Always texting someone about some event that needs to be booked or form that needs to be filled out or schedule conflict that needs to get resolved. I’m always on guard, worried that people are unhappy or their needs aren’t being met, or feeling the impending doom that something isn’t going to go smoothly. Something like there not being enough chairs in a room or random amazon decorations not arriving on time can send me into a wave of panic even if just for a moment before I realize no one really knows, and no one really cares.
I think a lot of anxiety about the role is rooted in the fact that the information I receive always contains all of the bad but only some of the good. That’s my job though, putting out the fires. This is true not only for the sorority but with practically every leadership position I have on campus. This, along with the fact that the sorority has had a record-breaking year in terms of campus involvement, money raised for charity, and the number of members reminds me that nothing is falling apart even when it seems that way. The world goes on, events get run, late amazon prime arrivals get recycled for next year and someone finds more chairs.
Things have been intense in good ways too. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 8 months now and have been talking for a little over a year. I’ve always had a giant crush on him, but this past month I’ve been really, really intensely in love with him. Originally, I fell for the soccer uniform and kiwi accent (think australia-english hybrid.) It was hard to get really close to him though just because of my past relationship outcomes and the fact that his home is on the other side of the globe. Writing this makes me literally gag but I think part of it’s because I’ve been abandoned a lot before and it’s hard for me to let my guard down enough to let that happen again. A lot of people were in my ear telling me he’s only here for 4 years and will run off back to New Zealand once the opportunity to play soccer here is gone.
The more I get to know him though, the more I realize that isn’t true, or at least I’m willing to take a chance on him. I don’t know how they are raising guys down in NZ, but he is the sweetest boy I’ve ever met in my whole life. He makes me feel incredibly secure, telling me how much he loves me every day and how he can’t wait for our future together. He is the first text I wake up to and the last person I text before I go to sleep. He’s at every single speech, presentation, or other big moment I have. He lets me pick the TV show and tells me how hard of a worker I am when I’m stressed with school or clubs. Shit, he’s even taking me to New Zealand this winter to meet his family (who I can tell are just like him.) He also helps me through all the anxiety I have with being a sorority president. His appreciation for stuff that I often overlook, like Locke’s being surprisingly good or it being a beautiful day outside helps bring me back to earth. He helps me remember that the bajillion texts I’m receiving or the heat I’m getting for making a certain decision does not need to take over my day. As sorority matters have intensified, so has the love and support he offers me and that has made me realize that I truly love this boy. So no matter how difficult managing a group of 90 girls gets, I will always be appreciative of them and the sorority for giving me this opportunity. Even when I do receive criticism (which every leader should) I’ve realized that I should be happy that Sig Delt has so many people who care and want us to be the best. I’m so grateful for all the people in my life, like Harry, who care about me and and want me to be the best. Being a leader is an amazing experience that forces you to challenge your own beliefs and make strategic decisions for an entire community. It can be really overwhelming, but I’m pretty sure if I can handle this, I can probably handle most other workplace or social situations that come my way. I’m also pretty sure I could run a small village if needed. I guess the takeaway is to look to people in your life who make you feel good and offer you real advice and support. I used my boyfriend Harry as an example but I truly believe I would have disintegrated from the pressure of this role without the support from him, the amazing and talented executive board of Sig Delt, my grandfather, my roommates and a handful of my other amazing friends. You need people who you can use as a sounding board and maybe an occasional therapist. Life in college, especially when you are in leadership positions can be incredibly intense but it’s all worth it when the love and support you get triumph over it all.
Yours Truly,
Rosalia
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