I’ve been struggling with my body lately. I have always had issues with eating. Not in the romanticized, uber skinny, 1 meal a day sort of way. When I get stressed, I overeat. I use it as a way to cope with things going wrong in my life. And it's an ugly thing to talk about, especially because nobody would look at me and think that I have this issue. I think I’ve been feeling guilty because I have always had horrible eating habits, but they’re only now starting to show up on my body. I have stretch marks in embarrassing places, I have cellulite in places my mom does. I feel just like her. My boyfriend went away to law school in Florida. He has pretty friends, who he hangs out with a lot. I just followed a couple of the girls he talks to on Instagram the other day. I saw their tanned, skinny bodies, and clear skin. I am not like those girls. I started going to the gym, a habit I hopefully keep up with- but I’ve skipped the past few days. I’m not physically fit, I can’t jog on the treadmill for longer than 5 minutes, but I am trying. All I can do is try. I can try to eat healthier. I can try to keep going to the gym. I can try. I have to remember that my body is no longer 16. I’m turning 21 in a few months. My body was bound to change. My pants don’t fit because I should’ve thrown them away in 9th grade. My skin is clearer, but scarred because I couldn't keep away from the tweezers in middle school. But I’m more than my body. And yeah, I could do more to take care of it. I’m learning. I didn’t write this letter to lie and say that I overcame these struggles. I haven’t, but I’m trying. I know you go through it too, Reader, maybe in your own way. Maybe you struggle with boys, girls, partners, and body image. We all do. I ask that you forget who I am when you read this. If you know me, I am not the girl who will be signing off at the end of this letter. I am simply a person dealing with my emotions by typing them out while I should be working at my dumb corporate job. Maybe I’ll write again, who knows.
Yours Truly,
Sofia
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